The Grinch hated Christmas – the whole Christmas season.
Now, please don’t ask why; no one quite knows the reason.
Can you imagine being married to the Grinch? Tom can.
Would you want to be married to the Grinch?
Every autumn, I tell myself this is the year that I won’t be a Grinch. I envision a dream version of myself. I have the perfectly decorated Christmas tree. All of my presents are purchased and wrapped by Thanksgiving. I bake really delicious homemade desserts that I remember from my childhood. I find the perfect dress to wear to holiday parties. I donate time to charity. I don’t feel guilt, pressure or stress.
It’s usually around this time, just after Thanksgiving, that reality hits. In my life, December always seems to be a time for family strife or unreasonable work deadlines or a terrible bout of the flu. Or all of the above. I never manage to buy the right presents, find the perfect cocktail dress or get that star on the top of the tree to stay on straight. Tom ends up doing the baking. Charity is somehow forgotten. I feel incredible guilt, pressure and stress. It’s like someone is holding a gun to my head and shouting: “BE MERRY! FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!”
And so the Grinch comes out.
The thing that makes me feel most guilty is how my attitude about the holidays has affected Tom. When we first met, Tom greeted Christmas with the glee of a boy who still believes in Santa. After 7 Christmases with me, his attitude toward the holidays has morphed into something more closely resembling dread. And while last year he gave in to my demands to have a “non Christmas”, this year his parents are coming to visit and he’s made it clear that I’m expected to be on good behavior. No grumbling, no whining, no stressing, no refusing to watch It’s a Wonderful Life. We’re getting a tree. And going to see The Nutcraker. IT’S ON!
So I need to figure out a way to keep my inner Grinch under wraps. Tom does a lot for me all through the year, and doesn’t ask for much in return (well, except that I wear sexier underwear). If I can’t quell my inner Grinch for my own sake, at the very least I can do it for Tom.
So I’m going to try the old “fake it til you make it” routine. Expect to see the blog full of yuletide cheer and festive tidings this month. I’ll be updating you regularly on how my journey from “bah humbug” to “ho, ho, ho” goes and let you know how it impacts my marriage. And if you have any of your own tips to share on how to get rid of the Grinch, please share via comments or email. I’m going to need all the help I can get!
Well you sound like me only I have been married 30 years and 3 children later…I still hate…I mean really hate Christmas with a passion…This year, there is no tree going up and no kids coming to visit…I have told them all that they have in-laws that they can go stay with…that this christmas is just for ME……No presents….I think I am going to love it…BA HUMBUG… It is Jesus’s birthday NOT MINE OR YOURS…. NOW on the other hand..if they would have grandkids for me, well then christmas would be fun again…It is definately a holiday for children…
I hate the holidays. Paul, like Tom, loves them. So I try the whole fake enthusiasm thing. But eventually it gets to the point where I tell him that just because I’m not into them, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t enjoy them. I put on the smile, I attend the parties but for me, I usually have to hit the bourbon sans egg not pretty hard to buck up and enjoy it.
I focus on the happiness of others and I repeat to myself “it’s almost January” over and over and over.
Good luck!
You know, I’ve turned into sort of a Grinch myself over the years when the holidays roll around. I’d like to not be that way. For me, what I find helpful is lowering my expectations, as cliche as that sounds. I buy less gifts, send less cards, do less Christmas-y activities (focus on the ones I like, not the ones I THINK I should like), and try not to let my to-do list spin out of control. I try my best to just let things be as they are. Good luck!
Good luck. Christmas is garbage. I don’t understand why anyone over the age of 12 likes this holiday.
I tend to keep my opinions of it to myself. When I do talk about my hatred for the season, I usually get looks of shock in return.
Anyway, I support your Pro-Christmas campaign and hopefully you do find genuine holly jolly feelings this year.
I agree with Elizabeth… Don’t try to do EVERYTHING. Just choose a few things that won’t stress you out and do them.
I’ve pretty much given up on Christmas cards… I never remember to send them, I no longer feel guilty about it. It’s not my thing – I embrace it.
Also I did most of my shopping online… I found some really neat gifts, from the comfort of my home with wineglass in hand. I find the throngs of people out shopping zap my holiday cheer faster than anything.
Best of luck tapping into your “inner Who.”
I’m a BIG Christmas person and come from a big-on-Christmas family. (my dad is a real-life Clark griswold!) So, you might discount my advice, which I understand. But! Every year I take on a Salvation Army Angel Tree kid. I have their name, age, and three wishes. I go to toy stores and Gap Kids and try to.give them
….an awesome Christmas! Yes, Christmas should be about more than toys, or it should exist as a finite season. (why can’t we be cheery year round?) But for a disadvantaged kid, a few toys can mean the world.
And It’s so, so fun to shop for toys and kid clothes!! Makes fighting the crowds worth it. Good luck with your mission.
*shouldn’t exist as just a finite season.
Love this post! I can get a little crazy around holidays as well. BUT, I’m trying to remember what is important around this time of year — gratitude, giving, connection. So, I’m focusing on supporting these things in small ways during the days of the holiday season
Thanks to everyone for commenting. First and foremost, it feels good to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Like you, John, I have had the looks of shock when I say that I don’t like Christmas.
I also really appreciate the advice. I think a big part of being able to enjoy the holiday is letting go of feeling like you have to do everything. Already this week, I have felt that pressure building up– maybe I should try to go to a few more events, maybe I should cook something more ambitious for Christmas dinner, etc., etc. I’m trying to keep that under control and remind myself that I’ll enjoy more if I do less.
Susan, per your advice I picked out a gift for a family in a shelter and that made me feel like I had actually done something good with my time and money this holiday.
I also have to say that the look of delight on Tom’s face when I wanted to decorate the tree this weekend was worth any Grinchy feelings I had to keep under wraps!